See No Evil

Smell No Evil

Taste No Evil

Evil wine snobs got your ego by the tail? These three monkeys can school you in the basics of wine tasting. So go ape for the grape with these wine-sipping simians.

Step 1: See
Gaze into the glass while you hold it up to the light. Observe the color. Your wine should be red, white, or pink. Say "Quel colour" (pronunciation: "kell coo-lure"). Translation: This color kicks ass.

Step 2: Smell
Whirl the wine around in your glass. Hold it under your nose and take a whiff. Say "Quel bouquet" (pronunciation: "kell boo-kay"). Translation: I smell some good drinkin' coming on.

Step 3: Taste
The payoff: Tilt your head back. Pour some wine onto your tongue, gargle it and then suck it down. Say "Quel gout" (pronunciation: "kell goo"). Translation: Sure beats Pabst Blue Ribbon.

No monkeys were harmed in the making of this Web page. Site design by Sara Ullman. Copy by Kirsten Ballweg