The signs were all there at the time, when everyone was finding jobs to get through school after they cut government funding completely. Both school and work full-time made us all so busy that last year that we hardly saw each other. Still, we were the core group at the college, thick as thieves, even during exam season. I couldn't really imagine been too busy for the people I cared about. Still, when it happened I barely noticed--too busy. Now its too late. I could call all those numbers, but right now I can't think of anything sadder than the sound of the voice of the computer telling me that that number is out of service, or worse, the awkwardness of being a wrong number over and over.

Would my old friends even be happy to see me? I remember meeting a couple of friends from high school, in third year, in a mall somewhere. It was great to see them, for about two minutes, and then the conversation ran out. We stood there, staring at each other, the smiles of recognition growing stale on our faces while we searched vainly for something to say. The moment we knew each other in had passed, but appearances don't change, even when you should no longer be recognized as the same person you used to be.

I won't call anyone. Making this last payment has left a lump in my throat that I would not appreciate if it had been caused by an old "friend". I suppose I'll just keep all this to myself. No use bothering anyone about the old days. Keep my thoughts to myself and let the past slip away. It happened once, and didn't seem to hurt, at the time.

© 2000 W. N. O'Higgins